I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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