you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
