There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
