So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
