So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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