i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
false alarm. still invincible.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's official drugs can't kill me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
