ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
