my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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