I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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