Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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