you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
