He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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