He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
