The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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