I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize