would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
