this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My balls are so social today.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
