You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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