Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize