She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize