If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he shaved USA in his pubs
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
