Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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