Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
