Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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