Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
