dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
