I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
