Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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