Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
