I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
