omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
