dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
