He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
