So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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