Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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