nut hugger
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
