Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
