I can text with my tongue
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
