I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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