Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
