so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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