first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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