Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just found puke in my bra..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
