And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
