now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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