How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is Oprah even human
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
