If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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