quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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