Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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