just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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