I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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