I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
