my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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