anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
