We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
