yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
