do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
