Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
