My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
