I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
